The Love Atom: As Elementary as Oxygen

Christine Rosemary
Nov 8, 2024
8 min read

Just like an oxygen atom possesses eight electrons, the Love Atom embodies eight virtues essential for nurturing all forms of love.

We cannot survive without oxygen and we cannot grow without love. Both oxygen and love are invisible, ubiquitous, and crucial for survival, yet we often take them for granted. Oxygen appears simple at first glance– it's just an element on the periodic table. Yet its roles in biological systems, chemical reactions, and the environment are vast and complex. Similarly, love might be considered a basic, elementary emotion - yet it comprises a wide range of feelings, actions, and impacts that touch every aspect of human experience.

The kind of love represented by The Love Atom is reflected across time and traditions, encompassing all different kinds of healthy love. Exploring history, love has been described as the foundation of virtue, an essence of humanity, even an evolutionary force.

Ancient Greek ideas about love and virtue are one of the inspirations for the Love Atom. In modern times, we throw the word love around so frequently and yet we rarely dive deeper into truly understanding the many facets of love's meaning. The ancient Greeks described seven kinds of love, and not one of them was directed toward "loving" a material object. Philautia (self-love), philia (friendship love), agape (unconditional love), storge (familial love), pragma (nurtured, committed partner love), ludus (flirtatious love), and eros (romantic, passionate love) are the many ways they found to communicate about this overwhelming thing we call love.

All seven kinds of love are supported by the eight virtues represented in the Love Atom, but each virtue may be applied differently based on the kind and depth of that love. Growing in these virtues allows us to grow in love, whenever and wherever we are on our love journey.

Virtues of The Love Atom

Kindness

Kindness involves actions and behaviors that are motivated by a genuine desire to make a positive impact on others' lives.
Kindness can be shown toward strangers - no personal connection necessary.
It is not limited to acts towards others but can also extend to how one treats oneself. In fact, being kind to oneself is essential for self love. We must love ourselves well before we can love another well.

The lack of kindness in any kind of love relationship sows disconnection. We're all human and will always make mistakes. When we are unkind towards those we love, forgiving ourselves and asking for forgiveness heals the disconnection.

Connection

Connection is the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.
Deep connection requires openness and vulnerability. This vulnerability invites deeper intimacy and trust, as it allows individuals to connect on a more authentic level.
It requires effort, dedication, and a willingness to grow both individually and together, embodying the essence of what it means to love and be loved.

The lack of connection, or even a perceived lack of connection to a loved one nearly always leads to suffering. Reestablishing the feeling of connection requires adequate conflict resolution skills, communication, and forgiveness.

Compassion

Compassion is an expression of love that involves empathizing with the suffering of others and taking action to alleviate their distress. It is our concern and regret for the suffering of others. Compassion is active, rather than just a feeling or words.
Compassion is foundational to love, facilitating empathy, connection, understanding, kindness, and forgiveness.
Compassionate actions within a loving relationship contribute to its growth and resilience. They reinforce the bond between individuals, building trust and mutual respect.

Without compassion, the emotional depth and understanding that underpin meaningful relationships would be significantly diminished. Without compassion, love might lose its ethical grounding, leading to selfishness or disregard for the other’s well-being. In its absence, relationships might struggle to survive challenges, as partners may feel neglected or unsupported during critical times.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness framed as self-love opens the door to deepening all other forms of love. Forgiving others for their mistakes and imperfections is a gift we give to ourselves.
Knowing how to forgive ourselves for our shortcomings and weaknesses is crucial, and a first step toward forgiving others.
Forgiveness requires humility, discernment, self awareness, and the ability to understand ourselves and others while maintaining freedom.

Without forgiveness love would be impossible. As we grow in our ability to forgive, we cultivate greater harmony and deepen our capacity for love Forgiveness is an active and deliberate journey; we may need to forgive the same insult from childhood every day of our life.

Courage

Courage is a virtue that embodies the mental or moral strength to confront fear, danger, uncertainty, or pain with fortitude, determination, and resolve. Courage is not the absence of fear but the ability to overcome it in order to do what one believes is right or necessary.
Courage involves telling the story of your heart honestly, openly, authentically and with integrity. This requires deep vulnerability, which leads to authentic connection.
In love relationships, we must have moral courage, psychological courage, emotional courage, social courage, intellectual courage, and spiritual courage to thrive and grow.

The lack of courage in love can manifest in many different ways, from not beginning a relationship out of fear to staying in an unhealthy relationship your entire life, and everything in between. Cultivating courage fosters the flourishing of love in all its definitions.

Respect

Respect is essential for creating an environment of trust and emotional safety. Love thrives when individuals feel secure and trusted, free from fear of judgment, criticism, or mistreatment. Without respect, this sense of safety is compromised, and the trust necessary for deep love may be eroded.
Respect allows both people to pursue their interests, express their opinions, and grow as individuals within the context of the relationship. Without respect, there may be restrictions on personal development, stifling the growth that enriches both the individuals and their relationship.
Respectful communication is key to resolving conflicts and building understanding. It involves listening actively, valuing the other's perspective even when different than your own, and expressing oneself honestly but kindly. Love without respectful communication can lead to misunderstandings, resentment, and unresolved conflicts.

Love that lacks respect may struggle to value and celebrate differences and imperfections. Respect enables partners to appreciate their unique qualities and viewpoints, enriching the relationship through diversity. Without it, differences may become sources of conflict rather than strength and lead to unhealthy dynamics. While feelings of affection, attraction, or attachment might be labeled as "love," a relationship lacking in respect may face significant challenges in terms of depth, fulfillment, and sustainability. True love respects the other person's autonomy, boundaries, and worth as a human being, forming the bedrock upon which all other aspects of love are built. Respect is foundational to any genuine and sustainable form of love, as it encompasses recognizing and valuing the other person's individuality, boundaries, and needs.

Freedom

Freedom involves trusting and respecting the other to make their own decisions and respecting their choices—even when they differ from your own. Dynamics remain balanced, communication is open and relevant decisions can be made jointly, with respect for each other's needs, desires, and boundaries. This equality fosters a healthier, more respectful, and supportive relationship.
When both persons feel their freedom and autonomy is honored, their love is freely given and received, never overwhelming or suffocating.
Freedom in love supports individuals to maintain their identity, self-esteem, and independence. This promotes a healthier dynamic, preventing overdependence, codependence, feeling trapped, and resentment.

When love does not feel free it is conditional and can become toxic. Feeling controlled by another, or trying to control another, is common human behavior that gets in the way of true love. Controlling behavior is born from anxiety and often outside of self-awareness. Cultivating trust and respect and making sure each party feels free is essential for growth in love. Autonomy, therefore, is not about being distant or detached in love; it’s about loving in a way that honors and uplifts each person’s freedom and individuality. It’s a virtue that recognizes the strength and beauty of coming together as two whole, independent individuals who choose to share their lives in a way that is enriching and empowering for both.

Sacrifice

Love is an act of will that seeks the highest good. Love, as demonstrated through sacrifice, is not just a feeling but an action. It's about doing what is best for the other person, often requiring active effort, choice, and setting aside our own will.
Making sacrifices to benefit another teaches us compassion as it involves recognizing and responding to the needs and suffering of others.
Sacrifice often requires individuals to grow and develop in ways they might not have otherwise, especially in selflessness. This growth can be personal, but it also benefits the relationship, fostering a deeper, more meaningful connection.

It's hard to conceive of genuine love without the element of sacrifice. Absent this willingness to give of ourselves for the sake of another, love risks degenerating into a mere exchange of affections, lacking in depth and devoid of the selfless essence that characterizes true love. Sacrifice, therefore, is not just a part of love; it is the very action through which love is lived out.

Love is a Fundamental Force

Love has been described thousands of ways by billions of people. It is as fundamental as oxygen and is vital for survival. The idea that love is a fundamental transcendent force has been described by many great thinkers in human history. This list is certainly not meant to be exhaustive, only representative:

1. Buddha (563 - 483 BCE)

The Buddha's teachings on the interconnectedness of all beings lay the foundation for a universal love that transcends individual relationships. One of the most direct teachings on love comes in the form of Metta, or loving-kindness. The Metta Sutta, one of the Buddha's discourses, outlines the practice of cultivating an unconditional and inclusive love for all beings.

2. Plato (427-347 BCE)

Plato, in his dialogue "The Symposium," explores the nature of love through a series of speeches by different characters. For Plato, love drives us towards the truth and the Form of the Good, making it a central element in the pursuit of knowledge and virtue.

3. Aristotle (384-322 BCE)

Aristotle saw love (philia) as vital for human flourishing and essential to the fabric of society. In his "Nicomachean Ethics," he discusses various forms of love, including friendships based on goodness, pleasure, and utility. Aristotle believed that love based on virtue is the highest form, contributing to Eudaimonia, or human flourishing.

4. Jesus Christ (6 to 4 BC – AD 30 or 33)

Jesus' teachings on love call for a radical, selfless love that transcends personal preference, social norms, and cultural boundaries. Love, as taught by Jesus, is marked by action, sacrifice, and an enduring commitment to the well-being of others - even your enemies, reflecting the nature of God's love for humanity.

5. St Augustine (354 - 430 AD)

Augustine understood love as the concept of "caritas" (charity or divine love), which he distinguishes from "cupiditas" (earthly or selfish love). Explained in "Confessions," love is essentially an ordering of our desires according to the value of the objects of our love. He posits that love should be directed towards that which is truly good and eternal.

6. Rumi (1207-1273)

Rumi is a Sufi Muslim poet who wrote in depth about many facets of love, and often describes love as the very essence and purpose of creation. He sees the force of love as what brings life into existence and what connects every being to the divine. For Rumi, love is the reason for being, and it permeates every aspect of the universe.

7. Charles Sanders Pierce (1839-1914)

The father of pragmatism, philosopher Peirce developed the concept of agapism. Agapism is the principle of evolutionary love, a creative and spontaneous force that drives the universe's evolution and development. It has profound implications for understanding human thought, the development of ideas, and the progress of society. Also referred to as Creative Love, it suggests that human beings and their societies evolve through cooperative and altruistic interactions, where ideas grow and develop through a kind of communal love that fosters creativity, innovation, and moral growth.

8. Viktor Frankl (1905-1997)

Viktor Frankl in "Man's Search for Meaning" describes love as a powerful, existential force that can uncover and nurture the inherent potential within individuals, providing a profound source of meaning and purpose in life. Through love, we not only discover the essence of another person but are also propelled to transcend our limitations, contributing to the actualization of our own and others' potentialities.

Love is as vital, ubiquitous, and fundamental to our lives as oxygen is to our physical survival. It's a foundational element in the chemistry of human relationships and personal growth. It's one of the building blocks of our species, perhaps our universe. Collectively, the Love Atom design and the purpose of this website is a philosophical journey to find and understand the many meanings of love - for ourselves and for others.